In some relationships abuse is obvious; it leaves unmistakable signs on the victim even if that person refuses to accept the reality. Though many people continue to remain in some of the most horrific of these situations, those who are involved in relationships that include far less obvious signs of abuse may find it even more difficult to leave.
Those who find themselves trapped in legal situations in which leaving their abuser might be even more hesitant to consider the idea of exiting the relationship. Though the benefits of legal separation may provide a necessary safety, in some cases life saving, many people fear that their abusers will use this bond against them.
The majority of individuals who find themselves in abusive relationships remember a time when they enjoyed a happier relationship and often depend on this time to return as if the present were only some sort of nightmare. Some may even justify their own abuse by assuming that it is the result of current turmoil that will end. There is an enormous difference between being unhappily married and being abused, but for some this may be difficult to identify.
How it starts:
Abusive relationships often begin somewhat normally and those who knew the couple early on might never suspect that the situation would become so destructive, even violent. Over time the relationship evolves into a completely new existence and because these changes are often slow and in some cases subtle it may be a long time, even years before the victim even suspects that they have been in such a relationship.
Often those with abusive tendencies seek out companions who they suspect will remain with them despite the hurt they inflict; preying upon individuals who seem more likely to become dependent in a wide variety of ways and those who suffer from lower self esteem and may even fault themselves for the abuse.
Signs of Abuse:
Any kind of physical harm or even the threat of such harm is considered to be abusive and for most these signs come through loud and clear. However, there are many other ways in which a person might abuse another that do not require physical acts. Mental abuse is quite common and as so too, commonly goes undetected. This is perhaps because it may be hard to distinguish at first from normal arguments or conflict which is nearly unavoidable in relationships.
Some important signs that many victims display when they are in such a relationship may help to determine whether or not abuse is taking place:
- Feeling afraid that a physical punishment could follow a confrontation.
- Avoiding expressing opinions for fear of the result.
- Tendency to shy away from getting close to others due to the influence of the abusive partner.
- Unable to make minor decisions without partner's approval.
- Lack of motivation to defend self from hurtful comments or jokes.
- Avoids eye contact when partner is present.
- Avoids speaking entirely when partner is present.
- Lack of interest in personal motivations, concentrates entirely on partner's interest.
While these signs may not confirm abuse they are commonly observed by abuse victims and should therefore be noted if being displayed by a friend or perhaps even by you.
Identifying this type of abuse can be incredibly difficult for someone experiencing it simply because they do not seem to be obvious enough to confirm such accusations. Without concrete proof many victims feel too embarrassed or afraid to take action. Some individuals may even convince themselves that no abuse is taking place because the idea terrifies them so badly.
Results:
It is vital that such behaviors be identified as early on as possible because they so often lead to the complete destruction of a person's life. Whether this comes in the form of physical abuse or simply slowly eroding every part of a person's personality, the end result is almost always a desperate one.
Regardless of financial or legal ramifications, if you are the victim of such a relationship is it impossible that you should continue living with your abuser. Make use of any help family and friends are willing to offer and naturally any local agencies that may help you to get away from your current situation.
Destructive Relationships:
Though often similar in their result these types of relationships are often the result of one partner becoming so co-dependent on the other that they do not realize the horrible level of interaction taking place. These types of behavior could include many types of destructive acts that over time could cause a great deal of misery:
- Refusing to take on any responsibilities in the relationships, such as finances or daily chores.
- Remaining distant and aloof despite commitment to the relationship and refusing to discuss the problem.
- Refusal to make important changes that might benefit the other partner, or even discuss them.
- Engaging in addictive and harmful activities that place strain on the relationship and force the other partner to constantly worry.
- Overly protective to the point of cutting any off any contact for the other partner and seeking no cure for jealousy or harmful tendencies.
- Preventing the other partner from doing things that they love to do, or engaging in any activity that they do not understand or in which they feel that their partner might find outside interests.
Despite the fact that most people in such situations would love help of some kind to fix the problems in their relationship, they often deny that such problems exist, even to themselves. Making that terrible realization that you are in such a relationship may be the hardest step of all. To understand that your partner is unlikely to ever change and that the only way to improve the overall quality of your life is remove yourself from the relationship, is an understanding that can be nearly impossible to face.
Though it may seem too difficult, impossible that you should return to a state of happiness in which you do not have to live every day fearing for your partner or yourself, this is a real option. When your partner refuses to seek help for any such problems, or perhaps even refuses to acknowledge them, it's time to begin considering a life without this destructive force in your life.
Remember that before you entered this relationship the world was open to you and though it may seem to have darkened as a result of your experiences, it can be again. Be brave enough to get back what your partner never should have taken from you: your right to be happy, your right to hope.
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