For centuries friends have struggled with and have even failed at overcoming disagreements involving love. Friends from childhood disappear into the world, roommates move out never to be heard from again and even siblings become estranged refusing to visit on the same holidays; all because of the injured pride and hearts of romantic entanglements.
When it comes to best friends relationship tips are often handy because who in the world knows you better, or has your best interests in mind? If that love interest, however happens to be your best friend's ex, the situation is very different and wracked with obstacles.
It is quite common for people to consider their best friend's love interest for themselves, to wonder about how it would be to have a relationship with that person; running mental compatibility tests or crazy dating ideas, considering the possibilities of unlikely matchmaking with a person who is unavailable. Acting upon such feelings is much less often considered as it would surely be the end to that valuable friendship.
Once a relationship has ended and suddenly your best friend's lover is no longer attached, those ideas of romance that once seemed so ridiculous become possibly. The problem of causing damage to your friendship may still remain, despite the ending of that prior relationship, unless you proceed with great caution.
An important place to begin is to determine whether your feelings are genuine. Understanding the lasting effects of your actions you must be sure that you recognize the difference between love and lust. Risking your friendship simply to live out a physical fantasy will probably prove to be more effort than it is worth, if however you feel that love is a real possibility that risk may be well worth it.
Where to Begin:
Many people feel that the first step is to confirm that the object of their affection returns their feelings. The logic in this being that it is not worth possibly upsetting a friend if your hopes are in vain. While this might be worth a try you must be very careful about how you approach the situation. If your friend feels that you did not place enough importance upon their feelings you risk upsetting them greatly.
Another approach, possibly the safer one, is to reveal your feelings to your friend before you act upon them. Though this may still be upsetting you will be able to proceed with either the knowledge that your friend has given their blessing, or that you are determined enough to see this romance through that you are willing to risk your friendship.
The worst possible place to begin is by running to your sweetheart, revealing your feelings and getting swept up in a passionate, romantic physical encounter before your friend even knows what happened. However much you wish to be with that person, you must keep yourself in check until the time is right.
Possible Negatives:
Because the prior relationship was unsuccessful it is likely that there may be some hard feelings between your friend and your new love interest. Not only could this prove to be uncomfortable because your friend may feel that you are more likely to be sympathetic to their opposition, but you may also find it exceptionally difficult to bring the two together under the changed circumstances. A great many possibilities exist in this explosive situation which may help you to truly evaluate your feelings:
- Jealousy from either side when you spend time with either one
- Hearing negatives or insults about either your friend or sweetheart from one another
- Never being able to unite those you love in one place without feeling uncomfortable
- The resentment of your friend by choosing to keep their ex within your social circle
- The knowledge that your friend has probably or definitely been intimate with your new lover
- Starting your relationship off with a great deal of stress and possible negativity
- Eventually resenting your new love for the rift between you and your friend
- Losing your friendship forever
While some of these devastating consequences make the idea of dating your best friend's ex seem absurd, many of them can be avoided with a little patience and attention to others feelings. If your friend feels reassured about how much you value their presence in your life and that you are determined to remain friends this may help to ease most of the tension.
Possible Positives:
Perhaps the greatest situation you can hope for is that your friend and their ex stay on good terms. If this is true, it is likely that your friend will wish their ex well and be happy to see them in a new relationship. Though it may still be slightly uncomfortable that the new romantic interest is you, the situation is much improved without any emotional baggage left over from the breakup.
Though this is not the only route by which you may find a successful way to keep your friend and begin courting your love interest, your friend will eventually have to at least accept the presence of their ex enough to be cordial if you are to keep both people in your lives. If all goes well, you stand to gain a great deal of happiness from the results:
- Overcoming a trial at the beginning of your new love life
- Starting a relationship with a person you already know a great deal about
- Strengthening your friendship by confirming it's worth to yourself and your friend
- Advice for your new relationship from a friend who would truly have some wisdom on the subject
- A possible strong bond between your friend and your sweetheart
- Understanding which pitfalls to avoid in your new romance
- The knowledge that your friendship is strong enough to withstand conflict
Though it may not be the simplest way to begin a new romance many friendships survive this type of situation as long as all involved respect each other's feelings. Remember to be patient, even if you already feel deeply in love and allow your friend some time to adjust to the new life that with a little luck will be a happy one.
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