Most women do not set out to become involved with a man who is, for the most part, unavailable as a partner. However many women and certainly some men, have found themselves becoming attached to men who are either deceptive about their martial ties or portray their marriages as being at the beginning of the end.
Perhaps the most interesting aspect of such relationships is how they manage to include some of the brightest, most confident and successful women. Understanding that the most common reason for this kind of attachment usually indicates a problem does not necessarily bring about an end and the most consistent reason given for the continuation of such a relationship is often that they believe this guy will be different.
Attractions:
What might be attractive about a married man, you may ask? For some it is that fact that the relationship is built almost entirely on escape; engaging in activities that have little or nothing to do with typical relationship life can keep the interaction fun and fresh.
Another motivation for this type of relationship might be that some of the wealthy men dating while married might be appear to be excellent sources of income, or a sugar daddy, if you will.
Those men that appear to have made a successful life for themselves and claim that the problems within their marriage have all been caused by their wives might also come across as appealing. From an outside perspective a woman might be inclined to think that if she were in his wives place, the relationship would be a great success. This is often reinforced by the promise of an impending divorce.
One of the most common reasons for pursuing this type of relationship is that the marriage was kept well hidden until attachments were formed. Once given the information many women still have hopes that their romance will work out in the end and hope to ignore the fact that they have been deceived until now.
The Underside:
Though falling for a married man, or actively pursuing a relationship with such a person might not appear to be that dangerous on the surface, the emotional impulses often found driving such actions certainly can be.
Those who find themselves to be greatly insecure, experiencing a great loss in confidence with each new step may believe that they have to hold to any one they can attach their sense of value to. Such motivations often spawn co-dependent relationships and almost always end badly.
Because the nature of such relationships is often based on physical interaction there are those who may confuse love and lust, assuming that if the man is attracted to them, it must also mean that he cares. In most cases once the truth of the relationship is revealed the results can be devastating to a person's emotional state.
For some the motivation of such attractions lies very simply in the somewhat child-like thinking that what is forbidden is the most desirable. This kind of thought process may make even the most repulsive sort of person appear to be extremely attractive and once had, often completely disposable. This type of logic is often the product of a person who is anything but stable in their life and will in most cases result in a series of unfulfilling relationships which will finally, as with many other types of unhealthy addictions, cause a breakdown.
The Risks:
Along with the obvious risk of breaking up a home, there are many other unsavory elements to such a relationship. The tired line alone "he is leaving his wife," often creates serious trust issues for the current and future relationships and this is often only the tip of the iceberg.
Some expected psychological problems that one might be expected to develop in such a relationship:
- Unhealthy obsession with purely physical appearance
- Extremely low and continually eroding self-esteem
- Withdrawn behavior due to being unable to share romantic experiences with friends or relatives
- Decaying ideal of romance and relationships
- Uncommonly mistrustful of others
- Constant self doubt
- Guilt complex over being a part of deception
- Irrational jealousy
- Depression
- Eating disorders
- Inability to begin a new healthy relationship
Though there are certainly many men and women who might be able to enjoy such a relationship without seeming to suffer any of these consequences one must question any motivation in this direction. If a person wishes to be free of all romantic ties, what was the motivation behind the initial marriage? Or perhaps if the relationship has grown stale, or has become greatly altered, why continue on?
In some instances of such infidelity one may find that a spouse feels obligated to continue a marriage as pure prop for their children, not wanting to burden them with the upset of divorce. In others religious views may prevent putting an end to the relationship. While these might both be good examples of how complex certain types of infidelity can be, the risk of utter failure and disaster is still quite high.
When it comes to matters of the heart, only you can be the best judge of what feels right for your life. More importantly than allowing yourself to be judged by any social standard should be your willingness to look at the situation honestly. If after doing this you can still be certain of your own happiness, than who can truly say what is best for you? Romance is not perfect and many people fall in love quite unexpectedly. There are also many marriages that continue to succeed only because one or both partners are unfaithful and have learned to accept this way of life. However, if after a hard glimpse you realize that you are in this relationship for all of the wrong reasons; it might be time to consider breaking away and finding your romance elsewhere. Your happiness is at stake and your actions are the only way that it can truly become reality.
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