It is important to understand something vital about those who are perceived to have a fear of commitment when it comes to relationships and dating: that this is not always the reason they do not wish to commit. For some a committed relationship simply isn’t appealing or doesn’t fit their lifestyle and this should not be taken as a sign that a person has an actual problem.
For those looking for actual dating help in the area of commitment it is vital that you first determine whether or not you have an actual commitment phobia and not just a reluctance to be in a serious, romantic relationship.
In order to determine whether or not you, or someone you care for, might truly be afraid of commitment it may be wise to take a moment to review other areas of life. Are there other signs that indicate that commitment issues are present? Difficulty with employment or making plans for the future can be an excellent sign of a larger problem. Those who find it hard to make plans with friends or commit to a social event may simply have a problem with entering into what they feel is an obligation.
Those who determine that they do indeed have a fear of commitment and are unhappy about their inability to do so can often overcome this fear by starting out with smaller commitments and building up to more important areas of life. In some cases the best solutions come from finding the source of this phobia and gaining the understanding of why it came about. Those who seek this type of resolution may want to seek the help of a professional therapist to help guide them to the root of the problem.
Commitment and Love:
Those who fear entering into a commitment of any kind may find relationship boundaries very difficult. It is important to understand that those who truly have this kind of fear may feel very strongly about someone romantically, but fear the outcome of binding themselves to any one person. Though this can be hurtful to the person asking for the commitment, it is important to understand that it may have nothing to do with their would-be partner’s actually feelings.
Falling in love is a wonderful thing, but many people fear that entering into a committed relationship will destroy the passion and intensity people often feel when they find new love in their life. Though this certainly doesn’t have to happen it is often true that a relationship changes over time and those who fear the work and effort that are required in order to maintain a healthy relationship may have valid concerns because of this.
It is also important to remember that even the best relationship may include some doubt from both members and that this is only natural. It is far more unusual that two people feel completely certain about the idea that they belong together than for two people to overcome the doubts they may have and enter into a committed relationship.
Solving the Problem:
Taking steps to eliminate unnecessary fears about commitment may help you, or someone you care for, to overcome their concerns. By following these easy guidelines and truly making an effort you may find that over time this fear dissolves into a very manageable and normal feeling:
- Step One: Knowledge
Understanding what is causing you feel afraid about making a commitment may be the key to getting it under control. Take the time to pick through your past and pinpoint any examples of commitment that may have caused you to feel negatively about the general idea.
Another good first step might be to hone in on precisely what it is about commitment that frightens you. If you can determine which aspects of a relationship do not seem to fit your ideal lifestyle you may be able to adjust your idea of a relationship to fit and look for a partner who can understand your point of view.
- Step Two: Pacing
Those who fear committing themselves romantically to any one person may need to adjust the way they enter into a relationship by adjusting their usual pace. Feeling pressured to make a commitment early on can cause very valid concerns even amongst those who would ideally enjoy a meaningful relationship.
A wonderful way to approach dating from a different angle is to explore alternative methods, this may take some of the pressure off and allow you to advance the relationship only when you feel absolutely comfortable.
An excellent way to accomplish this is to meet people online where you can take all the time you need to form connections without the usually expectations of meeting someone in person. Those who need to adjust to the idea of commitment gradually often love online dating because it allows them the freedom to explore different options without the common boundaries of traditional dating.
Another excellent way to take some of the pressure off is to inform any romantic interests you have that you need to take it slow. By giving them the insight to understand how you feel you may remove some of the feeling of obligation that can come within a few dates.
- Step Three: Evaluation
Once you do make the right connection and feel that making a commitment should be the next logical step; remember that it’s okay to communicate your fears to your partner. They may surprise you with some fears of their own and together it is likely that you can help one another extinguish any unnecessary concerns.
Looking to those around you to define your own relationship may prove useful at times, but should not be used to determine exactly what you can expect from a relationship. Each couple is unique and the dynamic can be adjusted to fit your needs along with needs of your partner.
Most relationships fail because two people fail to communicate the problems they might have and then work to find a compromise. As long as you continue to have an open line of discussion with the one you love there exists almost no obstacle that you cannot overcome together.
- Step Four: Big Decisions
The larger the commitment the more concern it often generates and it is important to remember that you and your partner may not be ready to take certain steps at the same time. Though your partner may not want to wait around forever for you to come around you should never make a commitment because you feel pressured to do so. In the end decisions made in this way often result in disappointment, resentment and a general storm of negative feelings.
It is also important to pay attention to any reservations you may have about your partner. Though your concerns may be unfounded it isn’t impossible that the reason you’re hesitant to enter into a committed relationship is because you’re not with the right person. If you begin to feel as though your feelings about commitment in general are well under control, but you still cannot commit, you may want to evaluate just how important the relationship is to you at heart.
Whether you feel that each person has a soul mate, or that relationships form by random chance, there is no denying that some people experience great difficulty or simply never find that perfect match. Allowing yourself to feel pressured into making a commitment just to have someone in your life is no way to overcome your fear or to find happiness. Remember that in the end, if you find the right person your feelings of love should over come your fears and to allow good judgment and your heart to let you know when and if you’re ready.