Many people go through the experience of having a crush on a person with whom a relationship could never be possible in their youth. Friend's of parents, older sibling's friends and even teachers are fine examples of common, however unrealistic crushes that adolescence develop.
While some of the attachments that are formed during a crush may have a romantic feel, a great deal of the feelings are superficial and though they may seem intense at the time, are not any real consequence later on.
Certain kinds of crushes can lead to more series intentions involving feelings of both love and lust and can become quite a serious matter. Though there is no reason to be alarmed by these developing feelings it is important to watch out for anything that becomes too intense while not actually involving the other person to play a part. Observing a person of interest and developing these intense feelings can be dangerous simply because it can too easily make the cross between crush and obsession.
Individuals who are particularly shy may often develop crushes from a safe distance, never actually intending to approach the object of their interest. This kind of romance from a distance runs the same risk of turning into an unhealthy obsession if not checked, not to mention the fact that the person experiencing these feelings is more than likely suffering from a severe lack of confidence.
Another type of crush that can easily be formed is one that has a great deal more to do with enjoying a person's company, rather than having to do with anything sexual in nature. When two people find that their personality's mesh extremely well together they may begin to feel very strongly about their friendship. This can for some, be very confusing as feelings this strong are usually felt only in romantic situations and a friendship with such amazing chemistry may be a completely new experience.
One question often asked about the kinds of feelings that lead to crushes is whether or not they usually lead into something romantic. Surprisingly enough, the results of such feelings head in many different directions.
Some common causes for having and types of crushes:
- Appearance: Because many crushes are developed from a distance they tend to rely heavily on the person's appearance to sustain them. This kind of crush is often purely a physical attraction that is constant because the person is around on a regular basis; co-workers, classmates or friends of friends may develop this kind of crush.
- Something in Common: Those who find themselves working on a project or sharing a hobby with another person may find that because of this common interest they develop a crush on that person. The shared activities can create a bond that can otherwise be difficult to come by and can for this reason sometimes create rather strong feelings.
- Shining Star: Often felt from a safe distance where there is no real expectation of ever meeting, the crush that is placed on a person who appears to be famous, popular or of importance within certain groups can also be an intensely felt crush because the admiration of the person's accomplishments, rather than the person themselves, can be so strong.
- Dependent Feeling: Those who are experiencing a difficult time in their life may be more prone to this kind of crush in which the feelings come about because of how a person's personality seems to change in the presence of the other person. The focus of the crush is not due to any physical or mental characteristics of the person of interest, but simply the change that takes place once in their presence and is therefore usually a sign that some self improvement needs to take place.
- Dream Lover: This type of crush begins with a physical attraction, but does not simply remain at that stage. Because the physical attraction is taking place a person may begin to create a personality for the object of their interest and because this personality is tailor made to their liking, develop even stronger feelings. Though a great portion of the feelings being formed on based upon an illusion the physical attraction begins to make the entire crush feel real and this can be dangerous I f left unchecked.
- Best Buds: Not all crushes are romantic in nature and it is not at all uncommon for two people who have no interest in perusing a relationship of that kind to develop an interest in one another that greatly resembles a crush. Though these kinds of feelings are usually intense in the beginning and slowly make their way into either a comfortable friendship or burn out entirely they are worth paying attention to simply because good friends can be hard to find.
So how do you know if you have a crush, in the most commonly agreed upon definition of the word? Try giving yourself the romantic crush test and see if you matchup:
- Can you describe the person in detail when they are not around: eye color, hair color, height, clothing style?
- Do you find that this person occupies a great deal of your thoughts?
- Can you describe the first time you saw the person in perfect detail?
- Do you or have you rerouted your schedule or plans so that you might bump into or at least glimpse the person?
- Does it seem as though your heart beats faster, pulse races and/or tongue gets tied when the person is close?
- When the possibility of being near the person arises do you find yourself getting excited?
- Have you imagined the object of your affection and yourself in intimate situations on a regular basis?
- Since developing your crush have you altered the things you love to do at all in order to be around the person more often?
If the answer to at least five of these questions is yes, you probably have a crush on someone. Now it's time to do something about it before it develops into an unhealthy obsession. If the person you're interested in isn't available, try to move on. If worried about being rejected, just jump in and give it a shot. Or perhaps you're hesitating because you prefer feeling from a distance? If so it might be time to ask yourself why you prefer the space between yourself and s person you find so interesting.
However you choose to proceed, it is important to remember that while having a crush is perfectly normal feeling to develop, nothing can come of a relationship kept at a distance. Remember that if love has managed to jump up and get your attention it then becomes your responsibility to continue on and make the rest of your life move in a direction that will make you happy.