| With so many popular places to visit on the web that enable people to connect with others who share their interests it’s easy to understand how attachments are formed. Some of those close relationship become just as important as those kept in person and as such can cause conflict if they are perceived as too close by a significant other. The question that remains is: Is flirting online, to any lesser or greater degree considered a form of cheating? Because it is a virtual world the response to this question is often mixed and uncertain, leaving many to wonder whether or not they should feel guilty for taking part in it, or because they feel uncomfortable with their partner for their actions.
One of the most important steps to maintaining a faithful relationship is the understanding of what both you and your partner consider to be cheating. Many couples have their own standards or rules to follow that can differ greatly from others and it is important to know what those boundaries are. Just like face-to-face interaction, online conversations can be immensely personal; involving very intimate, private and sexual discussions. Most people have a pretty fair idea when they have crossed the line between chatting and a conversation their partner would not approve of, however, there are many people who view this flirty type of chat as simple entertainment and therefore harmless. To know for sure whether or not you are acting in a way that your partner would disapprove of the best course of action to follow is to discuss boundaries with them and find out what they consider to be unfaithful.
Though most people have the same basic idea about what cheating involves the question remains, what exactly is cheating and how does it apply to chatting online? Unfortunately when it comes to infidelity, the technical or legal applications may not always coincide with how people feel. The act of being unfaithful to your partner is quite simply and breaking of a promise, if that promise was never made, misunderstood or misrepresented it becomes incredibly difficult to know what guidelines to follow. A person can never assume that because they feel an act is inappropriate that their partner will agree and act accordingly.
Some Common Questions about Flirting Online
Below are some of the most common questions I have been able to discuss about this issue; if you are simply looking for a few guidelines to follow you may find them helpful:
- Is it cheating to discuss sex with another person if I am discussing my own relationship? Most people believe that while sexual experiences can be very personal, it can be difficult to discuss problems with a partner and can at times be very beneficial to discuss those problems with a third party. Information is being traded on a personal level, which can make some people nervous, however, most people do not find it offensive that their partners may wish to inquire about sexual techniques or ask about issues they have been experiencing. A person should not perceive this as a threat to their relationship, in many cases people seek new information about such experiences so that they can surprise and please their partner.
-Majority Response: NO
- When I am in a chat room discussing one of my hobbies or interests and I happen to get a little flirty with another person, is that cheating? While jealousy can rear its’ ugly head just about anywhere, flirting online, when you happen to come across another person who shares something in common with you, is not usually deemed as a threat to your relationship. A great many people are flirtatious by nature and might not even be aware that their behavior is considered by others to be flirting. Those who become friends with individuals online and maintain and slightly flirtatious relationship are not likely to even consider the person on the other end a romantic interest. For some, flirting can simply be a way for a person to express affectionate feelings, or even friendly feelings and often are not sexual in nature. Seeking out an individual to flirt with is quite a different story, as it shows that you feel your relationship is lacking in that form of attention; if you find that you are looking for others to flirt with it may not be the right time for you to be in a relationship if this behavior is something you are forced to hide and not accepted by your partner.
-Majority Response: NO
- Is it cheating to have an internet girlfriend/boyfriend if we are both in relationships in real life and have no intention of meeting? This is perhaps the most common issue I have come across, in one form or another, and one that is extremely challenging to answer. Because most online relationships that do not result in face to face meetings they tend to feel like a fantasy and to restrict this idea completely is almost to say that a person is not allowed to have fantasies, which most people agree is ridiculous. However, because there is a real person at the other end of those typed words, reading them and interacting, many people feel that this is a form of cheating. Again, you must keep in mind that if your partner is aware of your actions and is not upset by them, you have betrayed nothing; it is only when you must become secretive about these interactions that you risk being unfaithful. In many of these cases, pictures are exchanged and very intimate emails or chats take place; though these things may be very exciting to you, it too often suggests that you are not ready to commit to one person on some level.
Many find the idea of having a secret relationship exciting simply because it is secret and the knowledge that their partner may be hurt by their actions is not a thought they allow into the fantasy: those that find it exciting will often be willing to cross any line to keep their fantasy alive and usually end up ruining their relationships in some form or another. The bottom line for this question is that most people find a fantasy life very tempting and though the internet they feel protected from the usual guilt that follows such actions; however their secretive behavior tells all, they consider it to be an action that their partner would disapprove of, an intentional breaking of that commitment made in the relationship, however small, and therefore still a form of being unfaithful.
-Majority Response: YES
- I want to talk with someone I met on the phone, but I don’t want my partner to know, is that cheating? Another complicated question and quite common; the answer to this one greatly depends on your motivation. If your desire to speak with a person has come from forging a friendship you wish to pursue on a more personal level, why do wish to keep this from your partner? If the desire to be secretive about such communications is caused by a fear that your partner might be overly jealous and may not accept that your intentions are not romantic ones; most people do not think of it as cheating, though it does indicate that your relationship needs a better form of communicating and perhaps a little more trust.
If the reason for keeping this communication from your partner is that you fear that they will not approve of the relationship a good solution is to discuss the matter with them before you take any steps to further communicate with your new friend. Continuing a relationship in which your partner has little or no trust for you will often result in disaster if it cannot be remedied. On the other hand, if keeping the relationship secret is caused by the desire to head in a more romantic direction with this person, you are breaking your promise to be honest, or certainly headed in that direction.
-Majority Response: YES/NO (Depending on intent)
- I want to exchange pictures with a person I chat with, is that a form of cheating? Again the motivation behind this new step in the relationship makes all of the difference. Millions of people form close friendships with others online and enjoy knowing what their friends look like. Many popular websites allow for this kind of interaction through posts that friends can view at anytime. Exchanging pictures is no indication that romantic intentions are involved; only you know if your desire for the exchange is motivated by more romantic or sexual notions.
-Majority Response: NO
Perhaps one of the most difficult problems to face in life is the idea that after a commitment is made you can still meet another person with whom you may fall in love. Though these flirtations and attractions may indicate that your current relationship isn’t the right one for you it doesn’t mean that you are acting in the wrong; most people cannot help how they feel about another person and if a wonderful relationship emerges a little late, to ignore it might be the biggest regret of your life. However, you can control your actions; whether it’s turning the relationship into a physical one, or deceiving the person you agreed to be faithful to, you are breaking the promise of commitment. Keeping your partner informed of these new feelings is often the right thing to do, even if it’s painful, in the end you will know you acted in the most honorable way you could and will most likely be the happier for it
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