Have you found the perfect woman, or at least close enough that you feel ready to make is serious? Before you make decision that will change your life for a considerable amount of time, you might want to take a few minutes to look over the reasons that many men end up feeling tied down and unhappy with the woman they once felt they could spend forever with. No doubt you have already worried about many of these issues and perhaps you feel confident that your decision is the right one; nevertheless, knowing you have a problem before it becomes a big one can save you a lot of time and cut down on the arguments if you take the time to discuss it before entangle your life with hers. Grab your favorite brew or whiskey and pull up a chair to review a few items that men have been concerned about for ages:
Common Activities:
- Are you a sports fan with a girl who can’t stand sports? Whether or not she chooses to share your pastime with you it’s good to know she won’t try to get in the way. Many women tend to be oblivious to how important certain games are and how important they are for you to see. If sports are a big part of your life, be sure that your lady understands this before she is changing the channel, demanding that you spend some quality time with her.
- Are you a very social guy? Going out with friends and making a late night of it one of your favorite activities? A huge concern of many men is retaining the right to go out with their friends without feeling guilty as if they have somehow betrayed the woman they love. Discussing this issue with your woman before you settle down can help to prevent major misunderstandings about what commitment means to each of you.
- Perhaps you are more of a homebody and hope that after entering into a higher level of commitment your party girl, or workaholic will make more time for you? Chances are that if she seems busy now your living together will help a bit because you will be able to spend time together that often gets missed in the day-to-day; however she may take this time for granted as quality time and assume that you are getting enough attention just sleeping in the same bed, be sure you discuss these concerns with her before you find yourself committed into a lonely relationship.
- Most couples usually find that after a length of time together their sex lives are not as vigorous as they once were. Though yours might be the exception to the rule, it is likely that in your relationship you will experience highs and lows in the bedroom department. If having sex often or experimenting is important to you, it might be good to open this line of communication with your lady so that she knows how you feel about it.
Life Goals:
- When you picture your future together, do you see little ones running about, or a cool modern house on a beach in some tropical location? Many women want children; maybe not right away, but that biological clock is in there and its’ tick can be a powerful one. Perhaps you have always dreamed of little junior yous, while she slumbers next to you wishing for a successful career? Whether or not you want to be a father or are completely turned off by the idea, it’s good to know how she feels about the issue before you begin your life together.
- Political and religious views, when opposing can cause many arguments and great deal of anxiety. How do you feel about these topics and does you woman agree? A successful relationship might not hinge on where you to church or what candidate you feel is the right one for the job, but if you feel strongly about some of these things and she opposes your most fundamental beliefs it can be hard to coexist under the same roof.
Finance:
- Depending on your financial situation you may make any number of changes as your relationship becomes more serious. Taking for granted that you and your woman share the same point of view when it comes to economics can be a huge mistake. This issue is an excellent one to have worked out before any big commitments are made.
- How important is financial success to you and to her? Do those ideals match or oppose? In today’s society the typical roles of breadwinner and homemaker may no longer exist, but many men still feel the pressure of caring for their wives and families; if your dream girl hopes to live in a romantic castle someday, complete with stable hands and housemaids you may spend the rest of your life trying to live up to this expectation. Making a life with someone who has similar economic aspirations to your own is an excellent way to avoid disappointment for you both.
Environment:
- Many men feel that their only escape from frilly pillows and china plates is the local sports bar; women tend to enjoy decorating their homes more so than men and therefore end up with most of the authority. How do you feel about your environment? Is the typical cliché about the women tossing all the man’s things out for the garbage man one that applies to your relationship? Before moving in together it’s important to talk about how you will be compromising on space; if you feel concerned that the only space you will have in your home is a small square in the garage perhaps it’s time to express how you feel.
How You Dress:
- One of the most well known clichés is related to clothing style; the man dresses a certain way until he settles down with woman, who then domesticates him and changes all of cloths. While you may not have noticed her disliking what you wear, she may have plans for your future wardrobe that don’t include anything you currently own. Some men find it refreshing to know that they look nice without having to bother following fashion; others find it insulting that their woman tries to dress them and can’t stand the styles she chooses. If you feel concern for this, if you have noticed her trying to incorporate clothing into your routine that is not at all to your liking it might be time to make your opinions known. Some men compromise by wearing what they like most of the time while indulging their lady’s tastes on special occasions; this can be a fabulous compromise that will allow you both to be comfortable.
Habits:
- If your lady does anything no w that drives you crazy, chances are it will only become more apparent when you live together. Does she nag you about little things? Call you cute little names that make your skin crawl? Before the sound of her voice is the last sound you hear before going mad and drowning yourself in the neighbor’s pool, simply let her in on what you’re thinking. Women can at times treat men they have been in long relationships more like children than significant others, though they might not be doing it intentional; reminding her that while you love and adore her you are not her child will not only help her to see your point of view, but often will help her to look at you in a more masculine roll that can do wonders for your sex life. Be sure when you discuss this issue that you are patient and understanding of her side as well, there are cases where women treat men like children simply because they act like children; don’t let yourself get offended, especially if you know that she’s right.
Pets:
- Some people, while liking animals in general, have no desire to keep them as pets. As women often tend to have a maternal instinct with pets they can be a very important part of their lives; this can be upsetting to men who are not particularly fond of pets. Other couples have the opposite problem; a man who has a pet or two that he adores with a woman who really has no desire to have animals around, often because of the messes they create in the home. However you feel about keeping animals in your home if the topic hasn’t come up yet it might be a good idea to check with your lady to see what her feelings are on the subject.
Friends and Relations:
- Get it Out Now: Committing to the woman you care for also means including the people closest to her in your life. If she has particularly poor taste in friends or a rather unnerving family it can be very helpful to discuss how you feel before putting her in a position where she feels she has to defend them. Often if this subject is carefully discussed it doesn’t have to be unpleasant, even if you disagree with each others’ opinions.
- Friends: The most common complain men have about their girlfriend or wives’ friends is that they seem to go to them with all of your relationship problems for back up; when the argument or issue comes up again they are voicing not their own opinions, but their friends. When a man feels that a particular friend doesn’t care for him it can make the situation terribly difficult knowing that each time his lady comes in contact with that friend she may come back to him with a new reason to be upset. If you find yourself feeling that one of your lady’s friends might be particularly harmful to your relationship, make it clear that while you might love her, you have no desire to enter into a relationship with both of them.
- Family: Is your lady’s family nuts? Do you feel uncomfortable when ever holidays come around? Explaining how you feel about these situations might help her understand your point of view; much like with friends picking the right time to discuss it is key, don’t put her in a position where she feels that you’re attacking, simply help her to understand your side . In all likelihood you will both find things to laugh about when comparing each of your families.
Intimacy and Communication:
- Discussion: Many men have difficulty expressing how they feel and while you may not feel you have a problem it’s a good idea to make sure your woman agrees with you. Opening up and sharing both positive and negative aspects of your life with her helps her to feel wanted and depended on, which is comforting in most relationships.
- Getting Close: If haven’t already figured it out; sex will not solve intimacy issues. Getting close in a relationship and staying that way, can be difficult both initially and over time. Though you may not always enjoy discussing your relationship, many men do not, it is sometimes necessary. Think of these talks as a tune up; you discuss any problems that both of you have been experiencing and how to fix them, it really is that simple if you make time to give her your full attention. A less common, though no frustrating, problem is that you have no trouble discussing your feelings, but your lady does. Usually with both men and women the inability to talk openly and share your feelings is a trust issue. Be sure to reassure her and let her know how much you care about what she might be experiencing; if she is incapable of trusting you enough to let you in there might be a problem in your relationship that needs to be worked out before you can move it forward.
Self Image:
- Perhaps one of the most important and difficult parts of being in a relationship is maintaining who you were before you merged lives with another person. Compromise is a necessity for nearly every couple, but how many changes can you make before you become an entirely different person? Some people enter into relationships looking at it as a project, much like a plot of land; they believe the foundation is good and that they can build from there. This happens to many men who often find themselves longing to be young again, to sleep with other women and for the most part simply escape. These changes can be slow and gradual, difficult to identify over many years; it is this idea that seems to most scare men away from commitment. Do you believe this process has begun already? Take a look at this checklist of some of the most common changes that take place and see if perhaps you are allowing too much of yourself to slip away:
- Does your lady tell you what you can and cannot eat like a parent?
- Have you agreed not to participate in activities that you once enjoyed simply because she does not want you to, though she gives no justifiable reason for asking you not to?
- Do you have sex on her schedule and only if you have made sure not to upset her in anyway, feeling almost as if she holds it over your head somewhat like a reward?
- Are you being forced to ignore friends she doesn’t like though she has failed to explain her reasons?
- Has your wardrobe, haircut or any other physical feature become altered to her taste though you don’t care for it?
- Do you find yourself not wanting to talk with her because she always has a running list of what you’ve done wrong?
- Have you felt the need to lie about even a little thing because you felt she would be too angry or disappointed with the truth?
Though it might be difficult to take a good look at the problems which concern you, especially when you feel excited about your future, taking the time to review and discuss those subjects which most concern you about making a commitment can prevent a great deal of pain and anxiety later in life. Finding a friend, or family member that you trust to talk with about the issues that worry you can be very helpful and will often put your mind at ease. Remember that your concern might be unnecessary, but shows how much you care for this woman and that if you share the same respect for each other you have an excellent chance of building a wonderful life together.
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