Possibly every person has at one time in their life sat down and dreamed up their ideal date or significant other; perhaps even writing down qualities that they would hope to find while picturing the image of a dream lover who would fulfill their every need. In recent years we have seen the birth of many forms of dating which help to aid singles in their quest to make that perfect match and many people have enjoyed the outcome of testing avenues such as speed or online dating. Before you begin testing the waters of these new and often successful methods of dating it might be helpful for you to know what kind of person that you are looking for. One of the keys to creating this list of qualities it to make sure that it is not an impossible standard.
When you begin making your list you will most likely be tempted to start out with qualities that you find extremely appealing in others and while this will be useful later on it is important not to forget some other essentials.
Step One: Tossing the Trash!
One problem with having so many potential matches in the world is that it takes time to narrow them down. A good way to quickly eliminate a portion of those candidates it to list those qualities which you know you could never live with long term. Keep in mind that you must try to be realistic about what you might just find annoying, but can live with and what might eventually drive you away from your partner. Below is a list they may help you get started with some of the issues that are most commonly the cause of trouble in a relationship.
- Living Area: This includes both location; desired location; price-range; décor; neighborhood preferences and possibly ideal climate. If you love the cold and your partner thrives on heat this may become a problem.
- Cleanliness: Slob or Neat-freak? Two extremes tend to get on each other’s nerves.
- Children: Current parent or hopeful one you need to know how your partner feels about this subject.
- Financials: Not only current, but future ideals come into play here. It also good to know how your partner will want to spend your combined income (as most couples combine after a certain amount of time,); do enjoy spending money on gourmet food and will your partner think it a waste of money? It is helpful to have common interests in this area so that there is little tension when it comes to spending money on the luxuries.
- Career: Is your job the center of your world and will your partner understand? Is it the reverse? As this will affect most of your lives together it’s good to know where you both stand on this issue.
- Pets: Whether it’s cats VS. dogs or even a pet goldfish knowing any preferences ahead of time can save you a lot of heartache.
- Habits: From gorging on junk food to forgetting the fan in a steamy bathroom almost everyone has a bad habit or two regardless of how wonderful they are. Knowing what you can and cannot accept as a flaw is important for the future of your relationship.
- Lifestyle: Some people can’t get enough of the night life, while others rarely spend leisure time anywhere but home. To avoid potential conflict you should know what kind of person you are and how you feel about your partner feeling differently. This can also apply to those individuals who find themselves pared with partners who prefer to be awake and active and different times of day.
By now you should hopefully have a good idea of any particular habits or life choices that you simply cannot live with. Perhaps when making these decisions you were able to focus on some very important issues regarding your future relationships.
The second phase of this step requires a great deal of strength and self reflection; knowing your own flaws. When meeting another person if you should happen to find out that they have a particular dislike for something that you greatly favor there may be too much of a conflict to continue the relationship. Understanding the difference between flaws that you hope to change in yourself and those that you have learned to accept and live with is also very important. It is sometimes the assumption when one person meets another that any flaws currently being displayed are a problem for both the person who has recognized it and the owner of that flaw; this is not always the case. If you are happy and comfortable with who you are, don’t be compelled to change yourself to suit another person’s needs; however be prepared for a dislike of those flaws and to understand that not every person that you meet will agree with you.
Step Two: Dreaming Up Perfection!
While this will more often be a great deal more exciting than imagining bad habits, it is still important to hone in on the realistic side of those qualities which you hope to find in another person.
Phase 1: Begin by brain storming a list of qualities which you would like to find in your match; have fun with it and hold nothing back during this phase. Remember to include everything from career to favorite song along with the special color of that person’s eyes.
Phase 2: Now that you have a list of ideals it’s time to start pruning back some of those characteristics which may be more dream than reality. After your list is complete do a quick sweep of your thoughts and make sure to eliminate anything that is too unrealistic to expect; though you may find a person who has this quality it is best to keep it on the back burner for now. If you find that, though you believe a certain desire to be unrealistic, you require this to be present in a person in order to have a successful relationship know that while your standards may be commendable you may also be setting yourself up for a great deal of disappointment. This is not to say that you should not have high standards for your potential mate, but just remember to be fair when you’re out there looking.
Phase 3: Perhaps the hardest phase in this step is matching yourself against your ideal. After reviewing your list of ideals it is time to weigh them against what you know to be true about yourself. How do they compare? If, for example, your list includes a highly ambitious person, but you personally have little this may prove to be difficult in a relationship. Quality clashes like this do not necessarily mean that you will not mesh well with a person who possesses your ideal traits; however it is something to watch out for.
Step Three: Representing the Best You!
After reviewing your lists of ideals and unacceptable a few thoughts may have occurred to you about what kind of person you are. If at this point you have discovered that certain of aspects of your life are unappealing to you, it’s time to make some changes! After all, how could you feel confident about asking another person to choose you when you would not choose yourself? If any of these issues have surfaced during this time of reflection make a plan of attack for getting yourself back into a state where you will feel proud to be who you are and know that just making these discoveries is a difficult challenge that you have passed.
If you are content with yourself as a person, good for you! You are ready to begin getting out there and finding yourself a good match. Remember to always be patient and confident and if need be, check off those lists at the end of a date to see how close to the mark the person has hit.
As in most areas of life, you may find that your ideals change and your ability to accept those things you thought you never could is strengthened by other traits that you adore in a person. What new aspects of a personality will attract you and what new habits will send you screaming for the door? Only time will tell; remember to add or subtract any changes from your list and perhaps someday soon you will find a person who is indeed the perfect fit for your words and your life.
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