Most people who have been in a long enough relationship have experienced the desire to fool around with another person. At the very least, many people fantasies about what it would be like to have an affair, even if they never intend to go through with it.
Though the temptation to cheat on a significant other is most often carried out because of a chance meeting, and not a deliberate plan, the decision to become involved with another person is often settled mentally long before anything physical takes place.
What happens during the course of a relationship that allows for this kind of behavior you may ask? There are many events which can lead someone to being unfaithful, events which may not at the time even seem to have a large impact on the relationship. Equally as important are feelings that may evolve during the relationship that are not brought out in the open and may become harmful. Many of these can cause a person to consider the appeal of having an affair, even if they continue to care for their partner:
- Event: Financial struggles or stresses
- Feeling: Too family oriented
- Event: Change in appearance, either person in the couple
- Feeling: The process of aging becoming unattractive
- Event: Not getting enough attention
- Feeling: Insecurity about appearance or self worth
These are but a few of some very common causes for a person to consider having an affair. Though these may help push a person in that direction, it often requires a certain kind of person to carry out such an act and that can't often be changed so easily.
However a person arrives at such a crossroads, the decision is entirely the responsibility of the person involved. It's important not to place too much blame on the influence of the third party, the person who is not bound to the relationship. Though this third party person may aggressively pursue another it is not their loyalty that should be questioned in most cases.
Another important aspect to understand about infidelity is that it does not always define a person's feelings one way or another and in many cases often signifies confusion about them. Though many people would like to believe that love and lust revolve around each other, there many cases where a person can separate these two feelings into two completely separate relationships if necessary.
Understanding how a person arrives at such a decision may prove helpful when attempting to understand the motives, outside of the obvious physical attractions. What causes a person to make that final leap however, from committed to not, may not always be so easy to understand. Though one might assume that a person must no longer love their partner in order to carry out this kind of act, this is often not how those who are unfaithful feel.
As confusing as the how and why might be, even more so are the results of such behavior. Millions of couples struggle with infidelity, or the idea of it, every day and the results of such problems often differ greatly from couple to couple.
One might argue that if a couple is experiencing a rather low period in their relationship, an affair might help one or both members realize their love for each other. While some may roll their eyes at this idea, there is little doubt that the earlier stages of a relationship often include a great deal of drama. Without this drama, this longing, much of the romance in a relationship may dissipate over time.
Introducing the excitement of an affair may help a person to realize their passion for their partner once the affair runs out its natural course. For this reason there are couples that can move beyond such an event in their relationship and become stronger because of the triumph over conflict. In other cases such an event destroys the stability of the couple, trust is nowhere to be found and eventually the relationship comes to an end.
If you find yourself considering having an affair, though you wish to continue your current relationship, you should consider the many possible consequences of such an action. Some may begin with actions as seemingly harmless as flirting online, but these may eventually lead to more prominent desires which cannot be ignored. Whether or not you can keep you infidelity hidden from your partner may not be the only problem with making such a choice and before you begin heading down a road from which there will be no turning back it may prove useful to weight the common pros and cons of such a course:
What makes an affair tempting for most people? Though the end result of such actions may not be the desired result in some cases the positives do outweigh even the worst kind of aftermath. Some of the most common reasons for having and enjoying an affair:
- Finding a new way to enjoy your time
- Discovering new things about yourself
- Bringing some excitement into your life
- Fulfilling a need to become physically intimate with another person
- Renewing a feeling of youth
- Getting to know a new person in your life
- Enjoying the thrill of keeping secrets
- Discovering that you aren't happy in your current relationship
- Renewing your desire for your current partner by discovering that you prefer their company to that of a new person
There are those that desperately need to reaffirm their feelings by engaging in something that threatens the very stability of those feelings. As difficult to understand as that might be for some partners it is often the result of poor communication in a relationship. When one partner is struggling with deeply confusing feelings and becomes convinced that they must not reveal these feelings to their partner they make seek comfort elsewhere.
One of the best safeguards against the need to have an affair, because this desire so often stems from problems that are not sexual, is to be sure that the lines of communication are open in your relationship.
The negative effects of having an affair can be incredibly destructive to any relationship. When trust is broken between two people it can sometimes take month or years to mend. In some cases trust can never be rebuilt at all. When making the choice to have an affair it is important to consider that this act may result in the end of your relationship. Regardless of how careful you believe yourself to be, there are no guarantees that your partner will not find out, nor can you be sure of how they will react upon doing so.
Understanding some of the most common negative results of having an affair should always be considered as these risks may outweigh the benefits of such an action. Be sure that before you allow yourself to indulge in a new life that you are ready to face the consequences of what may become of your old one:
- Constant fear of being discovered
- Underlying feeling of guilt
- Communication breakdown between you and your partner
- Risking the physical health of your partner if you engage in sexual activities with them as well as a third party
- Breaking the trust you have in your relationship
- Destroying your partner's trust in you
- Hurting your partner's feelings
- Ruining years of your relationship even if you recover
- Damaging your relationship beyond repair
- Destroying your own self esteem by undermining your previous set of morals
Though many people in relationships consider the idea of having an affair many times over the years, few who desire to continue their relationships act on those feelings; because they refuse to take that risk. If you find that these desires become too overwhelming you may first consider the idea of sitting down and talking with your partner about your feelings; at the very least you may want to consider the idea that the affair that's been on your mind may simply be covering up another, larger problem.
Pay yourself the respect of looking at the problem from all angles before you make any decision you may regret later on and in likelihood, you'll be the happier for it.
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