The pattern of attraction to something that is dangerous is not a new one in today's society, nor is it exclusively found in the feminine line. However, there is no denying that for centuries now many women have simply been attracted to men who will not treat them well. The catch phrase "nice guys finish last" has been passed around for generations and the advice taken from it is all too often followed.
The most obvious question is why? Why would so many women become interested in men that are almost certain to hurt them in some way? There are several possibilities for these types of behavior that are commonly found amongst the women who continue this pattern.
There are many women who have known little kindness from the men in their lives. Whether the experience has been fairly mild, only producing an expectation of lower quality from men in general; or one of extreme trauma such as sexual abuse, which can leave a permanent mental scar, the results will often be that women find relationships with men to be difficult.
Understanding that even the most intelligent and logical of women can suffer from such experiences for years, in some cases for the rest of their lives, may give some clue as to why they would be more accepting of a relationship in which they are not being treated well. While one might assume that a woman who has had such experiences would never tolerate that type of abuse again, the opposite is too often true.
In some of these types of cases it is a comparison made between current man and a man from the woman's past who treated her poorly which seems to justify the treatment. An example might be a woman who was beaten by a significant male in her life who then enters into a relationship with a man who does not physically abuse her, but does not treat her very kindly. Because of the prior treatment the woman in this example believes that she is being treated well because in her mind the treatment is better than her past experience.
The conditions which might create such a mind state are not exclusively those of childhood. Looking at abusive relationship statistics clearly shows that women who have endured the terror of such a relationship may continue to do so even if the option to leave is presented.
Often a side effect of poor treatment in the past, insecurity often forces people to feel as though they do not deserve the respect of others. The causes of such feelings can range from the largest of traumas to the most seemingly insignificant thought which takes root and reshapes a person's self image.
Often those who suffer from these types of feelings in a romantic setting feel as though they cannot keep up with others. Whether fearing the unspoken dating rules that society presents, or being unable to cope with what is expected from typical courting rituals, many women in this position often feel as though they should allow for less than perfect treatment if it comes in the form of attention.
Unhappy with Looks:
Personal appearance may not be the exclusive reason for most women's feeling of insecurity, but it certainly plays a large role. In the dating world it is common to base interest on personal attraction even if only in the early stages. A woman who feels as though her physical appearance is lacking in some way might be likely to endure poor treatment from a man because she feels as though she cannot win the heart of a better person.
Another large problem with feeling inadequate physically is that it tends to infect every other introspective point of view. While some women feel mentally strong enough to wave away their feelings of imperfection and pride themselves on their numerous other desirable traits, many women feel that without the right physical appearance their choices are few in dating.
Taming the Beast:
One very interesting possibility for a woman being attracted to the wrong sort of man has surfaced from time to time and can indeed be found in certain situations. The theory is that if the woman can change the nature of the man she might feel triumphant and special because she, perhaps she alone, was able to turn him from toad into prince.
While a very flattering concept, the problem with this strategy is that not only is not often successful, but along the way a great deal of mental stress is put on the woman involved. This can lead to resentment and feelings of conflict about the entire relationship even if the man in question does change his ways in the end.
Solving the Problem:
Many women seem unable to identify situations where they are being treated poorly by a man. In many cases women will go to extremes to excuse the negative, sometimes dangerous, treatment they receive just to continue the relationship.
The feelings of attachment that are often intermingled with such damaging relationships can make it difficult to seek an ending and can therefore hold some women to men long after the realization that danger is present becomes clear.
Allowing others to help can be a tricky business when trying to identify such a situation or remove yourself from it as feelings of embarrassment often surface. Many women feel as though they are personally responsible for the relationship taking a bad turn and even when logic contradicts such an idea feel ashamed as though they might have somehow brought out the worst in the man who is treating them so poorly.
Learning to identify the nature of abusive men, or those will have a negative impact on a woman's life is often recommended when dating. Amongst some of the best dating safety tips are early warning signs that can help single women be on the lookout for such behavior before they become too involved.
For those women that find that they are already deep into a relationship which is harmful to them in some way it is important to take the necessary steps to recovery. Following some common key points may prove useful in removing yourself from such a damaging situation:
- Identify and record incidences where you suspect your partner of treating your poorly or acting in an abusive way. Though you may have a strong urge to deny what is taking place, it is vital to your mental, perhaps physical health that you do so.
- Explain the situation to someone that you know and trust and allow them to aid you during this time. Try not to feel embarrassed, remember you are not responsible for another person's behavior.
- If you are in danger, remove yourself immediately from the situation. Contact authorities and report any physical abuse. Though you may feel hesitant to do so remember: He will probably put another women (or several women) though this horror if you do not show him that his actions have consequences.
- Rebuild your personal feelings and confidence before considering dating again. After such an experience it is important that you feel strong enough to identify and withdraw from any signs of a similar situation.
Millions of women have been through the struggle of being involved with a man who in some way has a negative impact on their life. Of all the advice on this subject there is perhaps a single idea which all women and men should remember: Every person deserves respect and support from their partner and should treat their partner with the same. However lacking you may feel, however much you may suffer from feelings of insecurity, no person has the right to treat you badly or abuse you in a relationship.