Knowing what you want in romance is an excellent way to get it, but for some those expectations are just too high to reach. The type of elite dating standards that one might have may help them to select from a group of people that are more likely to make them happy, but may also restrict their chances for ever finding happiness.
In some cases those who seem to never be satisfied with potential romances may actually need some kind of dating help as the source of the problem may be coming from difficulties that have little to do with the bad habits or less than perfect features of others. Some such problems might be: commitment issues that actually prevent a person from developing relationships; or a serious issue with insecurity than is unknown and reflected off of others.
While there is certainly no rule that states that one must lower their standards in order to pursue romance, this type restricted and exclusive dating habit may actually prevent you from finding your perfect match.
Take for example the criteria you might include on singles dating sites in order to be paired with your most likely matches. In this you would list your own features and what you might hope to find in others. In many cases this makes for an excellent start, but it is the interaction that follows that often brings two people all the way together and in many of those instances it is some of the subtle differences or even imperfections that make it feel right.
In order to test yourself try walking through these examples and see how you fare and why you might react the way that you do:
- When you set out to meet new people, whether hanging out at a club or browsing through profiles online, do you first look for negative traits or positive ones? For example: Do you begin by thinking that person has nice eyes, or that their nose is too big?
Now this may seem as simple as a glass half empty/half full idea, but in truth it indicates that you may just not want to see the beauty in others. This is often an indication that a person does not feel that they might measure up and so judges others too rashly and with a negative slant in their perception.
Solution: Make certain of your own self worth and that you feel happy with your life and yourself (or at the very least are working towards that) before attempting to begin a new relationship with someone else.
- When coming to the end of an evening you’re trying to determine if the person you’re with is worth dating again do you wait for a sign based on how you feel or watch or that person to make a mistake so that you can dismiss the idea altogether?
In this instance if you’re waiting to see an imperfection, it is likely that you will find one, but once again this often has little to do with the other person. This example shows a classic sign of a person who is looking for reasons not to commit, (even to something as casual as a second date,) but may long for companionship. When looking for the negative it is not usually difficult to find. What is important is why you are trying to find it in the first place.
Solution: Figure out where you stand on commitment and make your position clear, both to your dates and to yourself. If you are suffering from an irrational fear, you may want to work that out so that you are in a good place for new romantic attachments.
- While chatting online with a person who gave a wink to a statement is made that rubs you the wrong for some reason, though it is not clear why. Do you continue talking and see where it goes allowing your opinion to form over time, or do you immediately dismiss the person on the other end because of that one statement?
In this example we see a common problem than can be caused because of the type of communication. The statement made may actually be an indication of a conflict that will make romance impossible, or it may simply be a misunderstanding. With romance hitting the web and text flirting becoming a popular form of connecting it is extremely important to allow for a little leeway when it comes to getting to know someone.
An important thing to note here as that much of the way a person learns to interpret comes from their own experiences and may alter the true intention of the received message. If in this example a person might associate the statement with a past relationship that went badly they be making a rash and false judgment before allowing time to see whether or not the trait they associate the statement with even exists.
Solution: Trust your instincts, but allow yourself to fully understand a person’s personality before making any decisions about them. Allow some leeway for misinterpretation and if you’re not sure about something, simply ask the person to elaborate so that you are certain of their intent.
If you feel that you might just be too picky about your potential romances it is important to determine where these feelings come from and how you can alter your perspective so that you feel your choices are perfectly reasonable. While having standards and criteria for dating is important so that you can find the right person, it is also important to not throw away chances on love because of issues that are tampering with your potential happiness.
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