Almost everyone has had that, one particular date that went down in their minds as the worst one in history; from the ridiculously clothed to the most horribly behaved it serves as a reminder that there are people in the world who just plain scare the cocktails out of them.
Getting out of a date at the last minute is a fairly easy process for most people, but to exit during the date can present more of a problem. Most people are well acquainted with the sudden phone call method: (usually it’s a friend watching a movie and eating popcorn,) but which you disguise as a family member who has been in a terrible accident and you must excuse yourself. Because this method has been used so often, most people assume that even if it’s true, that they are simply being dumped, which can be unpleasant to deal with. How then do you excuse yourself from a horrible date politely and without hurting a person’s feelings? Well, you can’t always avoid hurt feelings, but certainly you can do your best to make your exit believable and swift:
- Blame the Drink: You may know right away that the date you’re on is going to end badly and if so may immediately be looking for an exit. This method, depending upon quality of service can have you out in about 10-15 minutes. Order a drink, usually strong and try to get a few good sips in. Once you have made a reasonable dent in your drink, excuse yourself and go to the bathroom; here you can text a friend, check your makeup, or do whatever you wish for about three minutes. Before you return, splash water on your face and rub it a great deal to make your skin appear blotchy and irritated. After you have accomplished an unflattering look return, slowly, to your table and sit down. Explain that you are not feeling at all well and though you are terribly sorry, you are going to have to call it a night.
If you feel like embellishing you may blame a particular ingredient in the drink; say that you forgot that you’re taking new allergy pills that don’t mix well with alcohol or even say that you were eager to meet with the person tonight, were already feeling under the weather, but tried to brave it because you were excited. If your date tries to discuss rescheduling just cup your mouth with your hands and say that you really need to go.
- Blame the Food: Much like the blame the drink method this allows the getting sick idea to scoot you free and clear of the miserable date; this one unfortunately take a bit more time, but can come across as more believable as many people have food allergies. With fast service you’re looking at about 30-40 minutes before your exit. If you already know that you’re going to be using this method before you order your food, be sure to order something that has unusual ingredients for plausibility.
- Political Defense: This one will not be short of drama, but can be used almost immediately with a bit of conversation steering. Remark on something political that keeps your opinion fairly neutral, encourage your date to express their feelings and try to steer them into some very heated issues. Once your date has made their statement, announce that you can’t believe that they feel that way about it and though you are sorry, you need to leave because there is no way you’re ever going to be able to build a relationship with them. With the proper responses you’re looking at 5-10 minutes before you’re headed out the door. Never go against your own beliefs to use this method unless you feel absolutely comfortable doing so.
- Religious Defense: This is a mere copy of the political defense; simply insert religious issues instead of political ones. Just as politics can be a very important issue, so can religion and just as heated if not more on some of the more sensitive issues. Just as with politics; never go against your own beliefs to use this method unless you feel absolutely comfortable doing so.
- Extreme and Scary: One of the most humorous, but difficult and possibly time consuming methods is to prey on the issue that you know your date will not be pleased with. Unlike the political or religious defense methods, this will not require a confrontation, but a great deal of embarrassing behavior. It may require a little time to know how your date feels about certain issues: for example a man and a woman go out on a date; the woman knows immediately it’s not going to work. She mentions children by pointing out one in the restaurant and asks if he wants a family; he says not currently no.
What follows is a string of statements from her about how badly she wants children. She may even begin singing lullabies at the table and lamenting that she was hoping he would impregnate her that very night. The ideal being that eventually he will look for his own excuse to leave and the woman is left to quietly enjoy her meal. Because the length of time can be excessive and the extreme behavior can be quite embarrassing this method isn’t often used. In the most desperate if situations, however, it can be a great back up plan and for some a lot of fun.
- Subtle, but Rude: This method may require some skill and a great knack for remaining perceptive without showing it. If a person becomes too overtly rude during the course of a conversation this may lead to hurt feelings and drama; however if the rude behavior is subtle enough, while being constant it may succeed in driving off the unwanted date. Displaying disgusting table manners and terrible conversation habits are an excellent way to get a start and for many people will quickly lead to some brilliantly offensive, but covert ideas. If executed properly this idea can get rid of your within about 15 minutes though it may require you to order appetizers so that you have some props to work with.
However you choose to get out of a date gone wrong always keep in mind that the effort and embarrassment of the method you apply is often a great deal less difficult than managing your way through the entire event.
- Honesty: As a final method, perhaps my favorite one of all, you can always simply tell your date that you see no possibility of it working out and allow them to understand why you feel the way that you do. This method can prove to be swift and requires only the talent of expression; though it may cause some hurt feelings the result may be far more to your liking. It has been said many times that honesty is the best policy and who knows, you may help your date in discovering and eliminating a personality flaw that they were previously unaware of.
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